COSTIC LOG 11-18-11

Welcome to the inaugural post from cell block 8 of the Graterford Mens Confined Lifestyle Center. It's a beautiful day in the facility, with my shackles glistening in the morning sunlight as it streams through the concertina wire.

My first consideration was what I should call this blog. I initially wanted to call it "LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHLAMYDIA," but that seemed a bit too personal. I also considered "A MISANTHROPE'S GRUDGING GUIDE TO SOCIAL MEDIA," but that was a bit cumbersome. Then I toyed with calling it "FUSING FUN AND LAUGHTER WITH ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY," but that was too revealing.

I also wanted to call it "HIRE ME SETH MacFARLANE," an intimate portrait of a desperate comedy writer. That's currently under consideration, and I may opt for that title at a later date, but I decided to stick with the completely banal "JOHNNY COSTIC'S BLOGARAMA" for now. I may add a free buffet and dancing girls in the near future to spice up the pathetic title. We'll see.

It became apparent that I needed to post my own material on a web blog since the traditional publishing routes are preoccupied with purveyors of cheesy mystery titles and fart books. (A recent trip to Barnes & Noble revealed a wide range of titles devoted to the subject of flatulence.  Incidentally, I'm still waiting for my copy of "Ghost Farts: an Intestinal Investigation into the Paranormal Activity of Gaseous Ghouls"). With such a large outlay of cash earmarked for these soon-to-be bestsellers, it doesn't leave much room for an unknown author with a proposal about making the best of the impending Apocalypse.   

I've probably amassed 1,000 rejection letters since I embarked on this venture. In fact, I've become so accustomed to rejection that I automatically tear up my lottery tickets after they're purchased. And I preempt any sexual encounter, if I'm even fortunate to get a woman into my lair, by blurting out: "I like you, but not in that way."

I decided the only way to get noticed above this din of iniquity was to begin posting material for the consumption for everyone who stops by this little corner of the Internet. I will be posting scripts, short stories, excerpts from novels, gags, essays, cultural observations, and whatever else I can cull from a lifetime of writing.

A wiser man would have probably given up by now, succumbing to the humdrum of a bi-weekly paycheck, and avoiding the heartbreak and folly of a dream. But I still harbor hope, and I will not wave the white flag until that white sheet is drawn over my head.

The first post will be a "FAMILY GUY" script I wrote about a year ago. In fairness, I never sent this out to an agency or MacFarlane's production studios at FOX. Therefore, it never had the opportunity to be either declined or rejected.  It's going to find a home here, provided I can think of the best way to present it. I may just include it as one long post, or I may offer it as a pdf or another file format.