While all seems quiet now, the earth is a celestial target spinning in space, a place that is buzzing with activity, as comets, asteroids, meteors, discarded condoms from Mir, courtesy of some horny Kosmonauts, and chunks of Skylab whir by, all part of the intergalactic traffic that makes orbital life a constant danger.
Recently, a Russian astronomer discovered a comet whose path will take it perilously close to our little corner of the galaxy. In fact, it's going to be hurtling by with an area as big as Kim Kardashian's ass. Sweet Jesus, that could do a lot of damage.
Some people speculate that this newly discovered comet is actually the planet Nibiru that appears on Sumerian cuneiforms. They were wedged between some porno pictographs leftover from a fertility rite. Needless to say, those Sumerians were preoccupied with sex and space. They believed that aliens from Nibiru had a hand in our creation, cobbling together a prototype from sand, silt, flakes of dried semen, and some moldy cheese. We were then given instructions to "live long and prosper," and wait at least 30 minutes after eating before returning to the water. They eventually became disgusted with us after learning we were secretly praying to another god, one that would promise us eternal salvation and some fine stemware.
The question still lingers whether this object is indeed a comet or the diabolical PlanetX/Nibiru on a collision course with our planet? The answer may come soon as the arrival is forecasted to coincide with the winter solstice. I will outfit the bunker with a ET detector just in case, and dust off the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
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